my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
