Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
