i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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