I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
