I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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