Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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