I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
