My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
