If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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