It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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