Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
