Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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