Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My ass is underappreciated
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
