Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
