I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
