I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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