weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
