I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
