Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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