He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
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As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
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Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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