Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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