I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
