I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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