Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
