Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
