it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
True strength comes from lack of pants
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
