The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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