I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
