I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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