Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
