yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
