Swine flu. Run for my life!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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