we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
