your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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