Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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