I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
