i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
