Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
