I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
