He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize