She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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