Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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