I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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