Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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