An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
