a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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