Define "chronic" masturbator.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
