You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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