i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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