Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
