he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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