Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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