Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
