Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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