i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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