even my farts smell like vagina
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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