I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just had sex on a roof
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
