She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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