Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
