I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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