She is in my trunk
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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