Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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