sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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