is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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