if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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