he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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