Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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