Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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