worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just invented taco cereal.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
