You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
