Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
