this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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