just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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