I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
